Hi There,

I’m very pleased to announce that in September I will be running a 5 day  SCREENWRITING COURSE / RETREAT in a beautiful, rural part of South Western France, near Limoges. All the details are on my website. This does feel like a slightly counter-intuitive time to be announcing a new venture abroad (!) but there is a clear cancellation policy, which I hope covers all the bases. It will be a great opportunity to get a lot of writing done in a beautiful setting with 9 other writers to share your experiences and me there to run a one hour session on different aspects of screenwriting at the start of each day and to be on hand throughout the week to give you all the help you might need with the project you’re working on in a completely unpressured environment.

There’s quite a lot of information here to take on board – so please email me if you have any further questions about this writing retreat.

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ONE PAGE PITCHES

I have included two of the pitches I received with specific feedback; and then some general conclusions in response to all of the very many (50+) one page pitches you sent in – thank you so much and I’m sorry I can’t share specific responses to more but it would take me many weeks of this newsletter to do so! It was a real education for me to read so many one page pitches.

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duplicity.  4 x 60

Kat’s a police officer; 15 years under her belt. There’s nothing she hasn’t seen…full time job, full on trauma.  It all dances in front of her eyes, liquid red.  Every. Single. Day.  Back home, she’s got three kids under 10; four sometimes, if DAVE’s being a dick.  And 88-year-old MAUREEN next door, calling in every day waving her boils and rashes under Kat’s nose. Kat knows she’s a pressure cooker…waiting.

Her partner on the crew, ADAM, keeps her just this side of sane. He’s in charge of the playlist on their way to shouts, his dark humour finding its way into music choices; Ozzy Osbourne’s Blood Bath in Paradise on a loop last week.  Kat leans on Adam, he’s the first one she sees after dealing with the stress at home; screaming kids, scratching Maureen, stroppy Dave.  

One night, they’re called on a shout to a posh part of town. Blues and twos on, jumping red lights, they screech up the gravel drive to a huge house of glass and steel, all the lights on.  Inside, they find terrorised dinner guests and a trashed kitchen but no serious injuries other than a deep head wound to a woman, unrecognisable from the blood streaming in rivers down her face. A fight breaks out between some of the guests, it’s chaos.   

When things are calmer, the woman’s gone.  Not in the house, the garden, anywhere. Disappeared.  The other guests are saying nothing.  Kat and Adam are thrown into a full-scale missing persons investigation.  A few days later, with the woman still missing, Kat’s called in by her boss.  Tricky one this, Kats, he says, the scenes of crime boys picked up blood samples from the kitchen.  From the woman with the head wound.  All of us coppers are on the DNA database so we can be eliminated from enquiries, you know that.  But this is the weird bit – the woman’s a full DNA match to you.  You weren’t injured, it’s her blood.  Didn’t know you had an identical twin. No, says Kat, neither did I.

Finding the missing woman consumes Kat, who discovers the twins were separated at birth, brought up by different families in different parts of town.  Forced to live on her wits and her ability to manipulate men, Kat’s twin Rebekah was sucked into a dark underworld of criminality and she’s at the dinner party as a high-class sex worker infiltrating the house to uncover evidence of a conspiracy to traffic children by her boss and the homeowner, Jake.  In her search for the truth, Kat unearths dark secrets about her past which threaten to ruin her future.  Kat has to decide if she can help Rebekah or if she has to walk away to save both of them.

Rachel Evans

@ January 2020

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I very much enjoyed this. So why did this work for me? Quite simply, I think it’s a cracking story idea which is very well-written. There’s a clarity, economy and confidence to the writing. The style of the writing conveys the tone – there’s a strong vein of humour (‘back home, she’s got three kids under 10; four sometimes, if Dave’s being a dick.’) running through what is otherwise quite a hard-hitting dramatic storyline; and for me this vein of humour and humanity elevates it as a pitch.

I also really like the fact that it has the confidence to not even fill a full page (this is in fact about ¾ of a page in 12 point).

It’s clearly laid out with a lot of gaps within the text – a lot of white on the page.

Although this pitch isn’t specific about place (and generally I think the better pitches ARE specific about location and character), this does nonetheless feel rooted in a recognisable, relatable reality – Kat’s frustrations with her family, her bond with fellow office Adam. There are some engaging, telling specifics – eg Ozzy Osbourne’s Blood Bath In Paradise which, even if you don’t know the song, brings (again) a sense of humour and humanity to the characters and story.

It’s impossible in a document of this length to answer all the narrative questions you set up – but this pitch does a nice job of introducing the narrative hooks and questions that the series will pursue – and piquing this reader’s interest.

The structure of the document works well – the writer sets up the characters and setting before hitting us with an attention-grabbing, clever, high-concept plot twist. I was intrigued by this plot twist because I was already invested in the lead character.

Normally, I’m all for starting your one page pitch with an introduction that includes aspects like – genre, logline, the uniqueness of your idea in one or two sentences, your agenda  as a writer for writing this story (what you as a writer bring to this story that make this utterly distinctive and compelling) BEFORE getting into any detail of the plot. DUPLCITY doesn’t do this – it’s straight into plot but works nevertheless because of the clarity of the characters and story proposition.

It tells us – title, format (4 x 60’), writer’s name, contact details (which I removed).

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OTHER THOUGHTS / CONCLUSIONS

SO – here are a few conclusions / thoughts that I came to after reading the 50 or so outlines submitted.

Always a good idea to send your documents as PDF’s.

Include title, writer’s name and contact details – SO MANY didn’t!

Font size – no smaller than 12 point. This isn’t an exercise to see how much text you can cram into one page BUT one page pitch means ONE PAGE – stick to the brief (a few of those submitted ran into a 2^nd page). There were a few documents that were written in fonts smaller than 12point and had massively long paragraphs – it’s not a good idea to demoralise the reader before they have even started reading. Your one page pitches need to look uncluttered and have plenty of white spaces.

Layout / paragraphs / formatting – as above, print your page off and think about how it looks. Is it welcoming, well laid-out and professional-looking?

As someone who reads A LOT of non-script documents, I also have strong views about FONTS. Without going over the top with a font that is absurdly showy – make sure that your font is clear and interesting to look at. 12 point Calibri, for instance, just looks a bit….boring. (I realise this is highly subjective! But think about what font you use to make the script as engaging and easy to read as possible).

I can’t over-emphasise the importance of CLARITY in the writing. In particular, narrative clarity – making it easy for the reader to understand the story. There were quite a few that may have been good stories – but if I’m struggling to make sense of the story half a page in, my attention wanders. Also clarity and fluency of writing. Too many of the pitches included sentences that my brain tripped over – sentences that felt awkward and lacked fluency.

References to other shows can be very useful if they feel specific and illustrative. I’m working on a project at the moment on the C4 course which the writer has described as ‘Fargo meets Local Hero meets Happy Valley’ which really helps me visualise what he’s trying to achieve. Sometimes though, these sorts of references become a bit of a hostage to fortune. If you’re referencing a brilliant show, there has to be an equivalent touch of brilliance and originality in your pitch.

Don’t get bogged down in extended chronology of plot – a pitch is about the essence of the idea; it shouldn’t be a detailed synopsis. And don’t get booged down in explaining the rules of your story world.

Work tirelessly to make sure your logline is absolutely gripping and distinctive.

But character is even more important than plot. Why should we care about the character at the centre of your story? What is the human / emotional connection between your characters and the audience?

You need to make us understand WHY you want to tell the story you’re pitching.

Be specific not general. Be visual rather than conceptual.

Visual details / specifics. So often, what you remember / take away from the best 1 page pitches – is a telling, memorable visual image – that expresses the lead character or story. (Actually these visual specifics is one element that isn’t so evident in DUPLICITY – although details like ‘they screech up the gravel drive…’ to denote the posher part of town are great).

Avoid empty promises. Don’t tell me, ‘This is going to be a side-splitting comedy…with the narrative tension of Jaws,’ – instead give me the specifics that illustrate this. ie If you’re pitching a comedy, the one page pitch needs to be funny – don’t just tell us the script is going to be funny. And similarly drama pitches need to be inherently dramatic.

It’s great to get a sense of the writer’s conviction and passion for the story they’re telling, their emotional investment in their own characters and story. In DUPLICITY I get the writer’s emotional investment in lead character Kat from the first paragraph.

I would suggest as a general rule that you don’t write separate character biography lists within a one page pitch (quite a few did this.) You shouldn’t have room to do this – instead the tone and context of your story should do the job of introducing and illuminating your characters (as the first paragraph of DUPLICITY does). Reading lists of characters with one or two sentences biogs is often information overload; it’s hard to then see how all of these characters will fit into the story; so these biogs are often hard to read.

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Here is a 2^nd one pitch (for a short film) that worked for me –

After a Breakup, an App to Help Breathe, Then Run – OLIVIA GAGAN

“When was the last time you breathed properly?” the therapist asked me.

His name was Allan. Thirty minutes into my first visit, I was still waiting for him to reach the part where he would help me get over the end of my relationship.

“I’m not sure what you mean,” I said.

“Easy, open breathing. Big lungfuls of air.”

“I don’t know,” I said. “I breathe all the time.” I tried steering the conversation to myself. “I just think I need to work out what happened – ”

“I’m not interested in what happened,” he said. “I’m interested in the last time you breathed normally. You’re a young, healthy woman. But your paperwork tells me you’re struggling at work, haven’t eaten a full meal in weeks and can’t sleep. You need to fix that.”

How do you cure heartbreak?

This is a true story, about my own experience getting over my first major relationship. I originally wrote it as a newspaper article for The New York Times’ Modern Love section, and it was published in December 2016. I’d like the challenge of re-writing an existing story in a short film medium.

I turned up at a counsellor’s office, chest-deep in sadness, hoping an expert would teach me how to get over my heartbreak. Or, even better, how to get my ex back. But I wasn’t allowed to talk about understanding a lost love at all. Instead, Allan asked me to download an app which would teach me how to breathe properly.

I thought this was a waste of precious therapy time. He insisted being able to breathe is important.

Over a series of weeks, however, I used the app. Learning to breathe mainly made me a) frustrated b) cry a lot in public places and c) pick arguments with Allan.

Then a miracle happened – my ex came back. On a freezing cold night on Regent Street, he told me that he missed me, that he wanted us to start all over again. But a curious thing happened over the weeks I was learning to breathe: I started getting new voices in my head. Bolder ones. Including one that told me to run as fast as I could from him. So I did.

This is an anti-love story. In the end, the girl does not get the guy. She doesn’t even learn how to cure a broken heart. But she does learn to breathe – and to choose herself over somebody else. It is a story featuring very modern methods of searching for happiness – apps, therapy, mindfulness – but ultimately, it’s about something we have always struggled with: learning to live with yourself.’

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This is a very particular, largely autobiographical story pitch. It reads like a story that is utterly specific to this writer. I’m engaged by its conviction, passion and the sense that it has something important to say but within a recognisable narrative structure – ‘This is an anti-love story.’ I’m pulled into the story but also persuaded that there is a really strong synergy between writer and subject matter – this writer is the best writer to tell this particular story.

It’s well laid out and formatted. The short paragraphs and use of italics and bold text help make this a clear, easy read.

There is a clear narrative shape to it. I particularly liked the way the story moves (surprisingly but inevitably) towards the girl’s encounter with her ex. There is a clear emotional character journey over the course of the film.

Quite simply, the quality and clarity of the writing of this pitch (and the linked newspaper article) stand out in their excellence.

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The next newsletter will be on Friday March 20^th.

All the best

Phil

PHILIP SHELLEY

www.script-consultant.co.uk

www.tributepodcasts.co.uk

@Philip Shelley1

March 6^th 2020

Hi There,

NEW SCREENWRITING COURSES FOR 2020

Just in time for Christmas I’m very happy to tell you about three courses I will be running in the first few months of the New Year.

ONE DAY INTRODUCTION TO SCREENWRITING London Saturday Feb 8^th

This will be the 2^nd time I have run this course and the first version in May of this year went very well (there are testimonials on the right-hand column of the course page).

This is designed for people looking to dip a toe into the world of screenwriting but it is also suitable for more experienced screenwriters for whom it will hopefully be refreshing, reenergising and re-inspiring.

We will analyse and celebrate the best screenwriting as well as looking at the nuts and bolts of how to write a screenplay – and how to tell a story most powerfully in this medium.

We will be screening and discussing a number of clips from films and TV shows.

We will have two guest speakers – eminent TV and film director TIM FYWELL will focus on a film / TV show of his choosing – analysing the screenplay and the process of translating script to screen, focusing on particular scenes and sequences.

He will also talk about some of the brilliant films and shows he has worked on and talk about working with writers. Tim is the ultimate writer’s director and has worked with some of the top screenwriting talent in the UK over the last 25 years. He will talk about the work and processes of some of these writers – to name a few – Sally Wainwright, Abi Morgan, Jimmy McGovern, Paul Abbott, and most recently Julian Fellowes.

The 2^nd guest speaker is screenwriter, playwright and stand-up comedian ARCHIE MADDOCKS. Archie was one of the writers on the Channel 4 screenwriting course in 2018 and his screenwriting career has since gone from strength to strength. He has written an episode in the new, soon-to-be-released Sky Atlantic series, INTERGALACTIC; and has TV projects in development with Warp Film & TV, Wall To Wall, Working Title TV and Tiger Aspect among others. He is also a successful playwright – with a new play on at the Park Theatre in June 2020. Archie will talk about his working process as a screenwriter and give insights into storytelling on screen and how to build a career as a screenwriter.

Both the guests and myself will give the course delegates the chance to ask questions as part of each session.

The course will run from 10-5 and will be followed by a more informal NETWORKING EVENING in a nearby pub (where we will book a private room dedicated to the event). We will invite a number of industry guests to this event – experienced screenwriters and script editors / development executives from production companies – all of whom will be there to meet you and answer any questions you may have about screenwriting (whether it’s about craft or career).

At the May 2019 event we had 4 writers, all very successful 4screenwriting alumni and development executives from companies such as BBC Studios, Tiger Aspect, Firebird Pictures, Little Dot Studios, Bryncoed Productions, Shiny Button Productions, BBC Films, Neal Street Productions etc.

Once you’re booked on the course, we will send you a list of the industry people attending the drinks evening about a week in advance so that you can research them and plan who you’d like to talk to.

This informal networking event also gives you the invaluable opportunity to talk to your fellow writers (the other course delegates) and share information and experiences. Writers often find that this is the most valuable part of the course – building up your network of screenwriting allies. Writing is a solitary business – and we all need as much peer support as possible to help sustain a career.

The cost of this one-day two-part course is £95 – which is remarkably good value!

CREATIVITY FOR SCRIPT WRITERS 1 DAY COURSE Sunday March 8^th 2019

A more interactive one day course focusing exclusively on the creative aspects of dramatic writing.

This is a course I have now run several times (I also run a version of it semi-regularly for SCREENSKILLS). I always have a really enjoyable time running it and the course has received some very nice feedback from the writers who’ve done it. (See the testimonials on the website course page).

This is a course designed for dramatic writers and story-tellers in any genre – TV, Film, Theatre, Radio – even novelists (and of any level of experience – from beginner to veteran).

The purpose of the course is to give your writing that spark of energy, inspiration and creativity that we all need to rediscover from time to time.

It’s a highly inter-active day, designed to be intensive but fun, getting you as writers to think on your feet, and to tap into your instincts more than your intellect.

Here are some of the elements the day will contain:-

•    Story ideas – looking into the big ideas that will form the basis of a really strong logline/central narrative idea to your work.
•    Character – exercises that will engender the creation of unique and memorable characters, characters who will drive your stories.
•    Idea-generating techniques – we will explore in depth the sort of techniques you need to develop, the techniques that you need to be using endlessly as professional writers to kick-start new projects and to awaken your creative instincts.
•    Other Media – we will be looking at how you can use other media and unlikely areas of everyday life to access and consider universal story ideas.
•    Writing exercises – we will be doing instant writing exercises to unlock your creativity.
•    Inspirational Guest speaker ANDERS LUSTGARTEN – will talk about how he generates his ideas, and where his dramatic inspiration comes from.

ANDERS is a brilliant playwright and screenwriter (I worked with him on the Channel 4 screenwriting course in 2012) who is also a committed political activist. Anders will talk about where his inspirations as a writer come from.

Anders has talked on this course before, and there is so much to learn from him in terms of how to energise, and put the necessary passion into, your writing.

This is a one-day course in Central London at what I think (again) is an extremely reasonable £95. AND places are limited to the FIRST 20 APPLICANTS.

The course is designed to give everyone on it a real chance to explore their creativity, so I have to limit numbers to 20.

You can find all the details at

WRITING A SHORT FILM SCRIPT

A brand-new course that I have created in response to some of the delegates from my recent two-day screenwriting courses who have asked for a course that specifically focuses on the writing of a script. This is a course that will run over three consecutive Monday evenings in February and March 2020 (Feb 24, March 2, March 9) from 6-9pm.

I will ask delegates to come to the course with three ideas for a short film and you will come away from the course 2+ weeks later with a completed short film script.

The course will be fairly demanding in terms of writing work – so if you’re interested, I suggest you go into the course fully committed to finding the time not only to attend but to put in a fair few writing hours in between the sessions. There will also be some reading work involved. I will ask each writer to read two of the other course writers’ outline and script – and come to the sessions prepared to give constructive feedback to the two other writers in their mini-group within the larger group of 12 writers. I will oversee all of the feedback sessions and give my own feedback on every stage of every project.

Over the last few years I think short film scripts have become an ever-more valuable part of a screenwriter’s portfolio. The best short film scripts can have real impact and alert producers to writing talent – and whet industry appetites so that potential employers want to then read further work by you.

For instance, with the recent 4screenwriting interview shortlist, a few of the writers had also written short films – and as a complement to their longer scripts, these added significantly to their credibility as screenwriters.

An obvious thing to say – but they’re also easier to make – and a produced short film is often a great addition to your writing portfolio. Short films are relatively easy to distribute / circulate online and the word-of-mouth a good short film can generate can have a powerful, positive impact on your standing as a screenwriter – this is something I have seen specific examples of and can talk about on the course.

The course is limited to a maximum of 12 delegates and costs £350 – for which you get not only the three x three hour sessions with me and the other 11 writers – but also the full benefit of my script-editing experience and ongoing feedback on your short film outline and script.

NB Full details and booking of all these courses are now on my website. If you have any questions about them, please email me on Philip.shelley@script-consultant.co.uk

In the last few years ALL of my independent courses have sold out – sometimes within a few days. SO if you’re interested, I suggest early booking. I hope these courses may also make for good Christmas presents for the writer in your life!

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EDINBURGH TV FESTIVAL – NEW VOICE AWARDS 2020

The New Voice Awards celebrate new and emerging screenwriters, directors and presenters.

 The List of Awards are as follows:

Victor Adebodun Debut Director Award
The Debut Director Award is named in honour of the late Victor Adebodun. Victor was an alumnus of the Festival’s Ones to Watch Scheme and presented the 2018 Debut Director Award. Victor was a talented director, creative leader and managing director of Purple Geko, an award-winning production company. This award is for directors who have received their first professional TV credit in 2019. Episodes must have been first transmitted in 2019 on broadcast TV or made available on a major streaming service or web broadcaster available in the UK. Entrants must be credited as the director.

Debut Writer Award
For writers who have received their first professional TV credit in 2019. Episodes must have been first transmitted in 2019 on broadcast TV or made available on a major streaming service or web broadcaster available in the UK. Entrants must be credited as the writer.

Debut Presenter Award
For presenters who have received their first professional TV credit in 2019. Episodes/ segments must have been first transmitted in 2019 on broadcast TV or made available on a major streaming service or web broadcaster available in the UK.

Test Card Pilot Award
Awarded to an individual or team for an un-commissioned, non-TX pilot completed in 2019. Submissions can be scripted or unscripted.

All3Media New Drama Script Award
Awarded to a TV drama script by an unproduced, unrepresented writer.

All3Media New Comedy Script Award
Awarded to a TV comedy script by an unproduced, unrepresented writer.

Stage to Screen Award
Awarded to a stage production with rich potential for TV adaptation.
Submissions must have been performed in the UK on more than four occasions in 2019.

Future Presenter Award
Awarded to an aspiring presenter with strong potential. Entrants should already have some presenting experience e.g a YouTube channel, student or community TV hosting.

Deadline – January 18th 2020

More Details here:

https://www.thetvfestival.com/talent-schemes/newvoiceawards/

This is a very prestigious industry-recognised scheme – and definitely worth entering.

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I will be giving myself a Christmas break from the newsletter – the next newsletter will be on Friday January 10^th. I wish you a very happy Christmas and New Year and thank you so much for all the kind feedback you have given me over the last year; and the replies to some of my questions and opinions – I wouldn’t keep writing this newsletter if I didn’t receive so many brilliant responses from you the readers / writers – so thank you very much!

All the best

Phil

PHILIP SHELLEY

www.script-consultant.co.uk

www.tributepodcasts.co.uk

@PhilipShelley1

December 13^th 2019

Hi There,

CHANNEL 4 SCREENWRITING COURSE 2020

We have now short-listed and informed the 37 writers for interview and I will be emailing everyone else who applied in the next day or two.

THE BRIT LIST 2019

The 24 scripts on this year’s TV BRIT LIST were announced last week. This is the list of the best unproduced scripts, as voted for by TV production companies. I was delighted that 6 of the 24 scripts were written by alumni of the Channel 4 screenwriting course and that another   script that I helped to develop through my script consultancy also made it onto the list. I was particularly pleased that the script that got BY FAR the most votes – the wonderful FLED by Karen Cogan – was actually written on the 2019 C4 screenwriting course (script-edited by the excellent Rebecca Holdsworth and Lily Shahmoon).

If you’re interested in seeing what sort of stories stand out for drama indies, it’s very instructive to read the pitches / loglines / summaries for the 24 successful scripts –

https://brit-list.co.uk/

…although obviously it’s even more about the realization of these one-line pitches into scripts.

POSITIVE COMMON ELEMENTS IN 4SW SHORTLIST

Two weeks ago, I wrote about some of the things I thought were missing from the scripts submitted for 4screenwriting. This week, some thoughts about the positive qualities that stood out in scripts, often taken directly from the notes I made as I was reading the scripts.

Effective story-telling is a hard element to define – but it is one of the key reasons that some of the scripts stand out – sophisticated, multi-layered, fast-moving, surprising narratives within a story world that feels authentic and distinctive.

Many of these stories use structure playfully and imaginatively, often not telling their story in a linear way but cutting between different timeframes, withholding key story information in ways that maximize the dramatic tension and intrigue in a story.

Many of the best scripts stand out because they feel like they are stories that are unique to that writer – think about telling stories that only you can tell.

The best scripts are clearly about something – and often something that taps into the current social / political climate.

Authenticity and truth in story world, characterisation and emotional connections between characters (this is one of the many things I respond to in Noah Baumbach’s THE MEYEROWITZ STORIES and MARRIAGE STORY – the scripts for both films are masterclasses in screenwriting IMO).

Directly taken from my or the readers’ notes about the scripts we responded to positively –

Feels fresh, original, distinctive. Stylistically inventive and playful – lots of fantasy, pastiche, stylised moments. I warmed to the characters and central relationship.

A story that I can easily pitch, a compelling, emotive, character-driven story that is also about a big, controversial historical conflict and its ripples into the present day. Non-linear structure, cutting artfully between past and present.

A little baffling and cryptic – but at the same time there is such assurance and clarity to the writing that it is strangely compelling. Strong visual story-telling, some powerful moments and images.

Characters immediately come off the page vividly – good dysfunctional, recognisable family set-up. Very good comic dialogue…flair and individuality to the writing.

Great dialogue, interesting, flawed characters and it feels strongly contemporary – finger on the pulse in terms of young metropolitan characters. Inventive, comic subtitles– it’s really about something, feels like it taps into the zeitgeist.

Very well-written and the two characters believable, textured, distinct. Shocking story told with restraint.

It builds in intensity and there is an intelligence to the writing of the characters, dialogue and story. It’s increasingly intriguing and I like its ambition, and that it seems to be about something.

He writes excellent dialogue. The characters and relationship come off the page strongly – this is powerful, subtle, moving. The way it’s written, it’s easy to picture the staging, very good use of music.

Real spirit and distinctiveness to the characters, the story world. Fun, comic family dynamics. Well-observed.

Good clarity to the writing – and it’s clearly about something. Emotive and interesting. It’s very issue-centric – but it’s instructive and an issue that needs airing. There are some really powerful scenes. The story-telling is straightforward. But there’s such power and conviction to it that it doesn’t need stylistic flourishes. One of the scripts that has really had an emotional impact.

It’s raw but feels real and there are some very funny moments. Definitely a distinctive voice. I really connected with the central character.

I liked the premise. It’s bonkers but there’s something excellent about it too. Tasteless, unexpected, some very funny lines. And very much about something – sharp satire

Dark, atmospheric, powerful, convincing. Very good read. Standout.

Nice character dynamics, good dialogue. It has charm

Good comic dialogue – feels authentic and accessible, well-observed even if story is very low stakes (but it’s a comedy and I warm to the characters, smile at the dialogue).

Really excellent, takes you into authentic, unfamiliar story world. Characterisations subtle and engaging. Some really stand out moments and such a strong, individual agenda.

One of the few genuinely funny scripts. A little slight but successful on its own terms and very enjoyable, also visually inventive, lots of smart story telling ideas

Great subject matter, excellent structure / story-telling and good characterisations. At times feels a little rushed – but this is powerful; and above all great story material – important, specific but universal; about the aftermath of a huge conflict and a microcosm of its fallout.

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Here are some very perceptive and insightful responses to the scripts they read from two of this year’s 4screenwriting script readers, Danny Moran and Holly Boyden –

Top tips for guaranteed writing success*

Check your spelling

This is an obvious one but make sure your script doesn’t have any spelling mistakes. This is the writing equivalent of showering before going on a first date. If I read a script with spelling mistakes it instantly makes me lose confidence in the writer. Check it, check it again and get everyone you know to check it.

Make sure it looks right

There are lots of useful websites such as BBC Writersroom that have PDFs of professional scripts, read as many of them as you can. Make sure your script is properly formatted but also study how the seasoned pros lay out their scenes. The vast majority of scripts I read this year used far too much description. If your scene is set in a character’s bedroom you don’t need paragraphs and paragraphs telling the audience the colour of the carpet and the pattern of the wallpaper, just say “Int. Bedroom – Day” and get to the action.

The story should start before your script does

Too many scripts start like this: the main character wakes up, they shower, they make breakfast, they check their phone, they’ve got a message from their mate asking if they fancy a drink later, they send a text back – this is boring, do not do this. Make sure your script is never the unnecessary backstory to the actual story. The audience is smart, throw them into the story and let them catch up.

Action is character – Make sure your protagonist has agency

One of the most common mistakes you see are scripts with passive protagonists who are at the mercy of factors beyond their control. This is very understandable because in well-written stories, particularly comedies, it does feel this way but look closer and the main characters are always driving the plot. Even in a film like I, Daniel Blake which is all about how peoples’ lives are dictated by a flawed system they have no control over, the main character (I forget his name) is never passive, he’s constantly fighting the system – his actions dictate the plot. Audiences engage with active characters, they can only sympathise with passive ones.

Know your tone

Tone is a nebulous thing which is hard to pin down but very evident when it is wrong. This isn’t just a matter of genre. Peep Show and The It Crowd are both comedies, if Moss broke both his legs in an episode you wouldn’t question it if he was completely recovered by the next one. However, if Mark Corrigan broke both his legs it wouldn’t make sense if he wasn’t in physiotherapy for the rest of the series. Tone is about establishing the rules of the world in which the story is set and making sure those rules are consistent throughout your script. A lot of scripts that are solid in theory don’t work because the writer hasn’t successfully set up the tone of the story and as such the audience doesn’t know how they should be processing it.

Write what you know…but also don’t

Draw from your own experiences but don’t be afraid to use your creative license. Mad Men is probably one of the most personal and emotionally honest shows ever made and none of the writing staff were ad men in the 1960s. My point is that, whatever ideas your script is exploring, choose the most interesting world to explore them in. Don’t automatically opt for the one you’re most familiar with.

Be original – write something only you can write

I had at least 50 scripts which were about people in their twenties/early thirties all feeling directionless (hey join the club!). There is nothing wrong with this concept but you have to have a really fresh angle on it to stand out. It’s hard to make an impression with a script which is just an inferior version of a show that already exists. Write the new Fleabag but don’t literally write new Fleabag.

DANNY MORAN

*Success not guaranteed

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There is no such thing as totally original but there is originality and that’s what we’re looking for. Take the medium seriously, think about the form and how it sits with the content. Find the human angle. Get under the fingernails of your characters, go back and question everything and don’t try and build big for the sake of it. You got this.

HOLLY BOYDEN

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Over the weekend of Nov 16-17 I held a 2 day screenwriting course. One of my guest speakers was screenwriter / playwright / stand-up comedian Archie Maddocks (one of the 4screenwriting alumni on this year’s Brit List!). One of the things Archie said that I thought was really interesting and which struck a chord with me was how sometimes a good script is less about the quality of the writing than the story and the way it’s told / structured. Often, it’s a good idea to worry less about the writing, more about the story and how you’re telling it.

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SCRIPT MENTORING

It looks like myself and my fellow script mentors now have the capacity to take on one or two more writers as mentees. All the details about how to apply can be found on my website –

The other three mentors are writer KITTY PERCY and script editors JOE WILLIAMS and JAMIE HEWITT – I am very proud to be working with all three; you can find their biogs on the web page.

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The next newsletter will be on Friday December 13^th (which I fear may be a very black Friday – USE YOUR VOTE!).

All the best

Phil

PHILIP SHELLEY

www.script-consultant.co.uk

www.tributepodcasts.co.uk

Twitter: @PhilipShelley1

November 29^th 2019

Hi There,

This week, a few thoughts about / responses to the scripts I’ve been reading for the last few weeks for the C4 screenwriting course. As ever, it’s been a fascinating, mentally stimulating, exciting and exhausting process. A huge thank you to all of you who have submitted. I appreciate the huge amount of sweat and time that has gone into these scripts and it’s an absolute privilege to be able to read so many new, exciting, original scripts – and frustrating that we are only able to offer 12 places on the 2020 course.

I’m going to write further about this in the coming weeks – in particular about the qualities that stand out in the scripts we short-list for writer interviews. But before that, this week I’m focusing on some broader observations, mainly on some of the pitfalls to avoid – so apologies if this comes across as a little negative – my further thoughts will be more positive!

One of the things that has struck me is just how few of the submitted scripts are based on real stories – especially compared to what is made, and the shows / films I’ve seen in the past few weeks. And not just scripts based on true stories, but scripts directly focusing on specific societal and political issues in contemporary British life. As I spend the last few weeks reading the scripts I also have an eye on the news – eg the committee questioning Mark Zuckerberg, on Brexit in all its lies and underlying political agendas, on the death of 39 people in a lorry container and the circumstances that enable this to happen – and on the anger, frustration, dismay I feel about all these events – over 1m. people congregating in central London to convey their feelings about Brexit, Greta Thunburg, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, the challenges of the climate emergency and the ever-widening scale of global inequality. Compared to films and plays I’ve enjoyed recently, there are very few scripts that directly address these sorts of contemporary issues and stories. For instance, one of the best stage plays I have seen recently is A VERY EXPENSIVE POISON – about the state-sponsored murder of Alexander Litvinenko in London; and I’m greatly looking forward to the BBC / Dancing Ledge productions 3 part serial, SALISBURY, about the circumstances surrounding the poisoning of Sergei Skripal in Salisbury. It seems to me that these are not only stories that have real ‘public interest’ – but they are also extraordinary and inherently dramatic. Other shows I’ve enjoyed recently that that have been inspired by real events – OFFICIAL SECRETS – or simply just tap into the zeitgeist  – The POLITICIAN, GREED. So many of the submitted stories are about lower-key domestic situations and relationships. However well written, with too many of these I don’t know what they’re ultimately about, why the writer thinks they will be important or resonant for an audience.

One of your aims as new writers should be to tell stories that are going to make a splash, stand out, challenge the status quo and accepted wisdoms and provoke debate and controversy. And now at the start of your career when you’re not writing under commission, when you’re not having to predict broadcaster taste is when you can be doing it. Embrace the freedom of being able to write whatever you want to and aim high. Think big, tell that story that is going to mark you out as brave, different and original. The best stories resonate with contemporary issues, tap into what is important and scary today.

Some other thoughts / observations –

Find a clear, simple, personal, emotional connection to your own work

There aren’t enough scripts that I start reading and think – wow, what a great, fascinating, dramatic idea. Too many of the ideas feel too small.

You have to hook the reader straight into your story ON PAGE 1. Your page one has to be brilliant. The aim of your first page is to make an impact, to grab the attention of the reader. You need to pull us into your story instantly.

The sequence in which people wake up in the morning and we see them go through their waking up / showering / breakfast / leaving the house routine becomes over-familiar when you read a lot of scripts. Think very hard about the dramatic and narrative purpose of these scenes – and whether you are bringing something unique and subversive to them. If you’re not, cut them and come into your story later.

The trope of starting your story with a ‘teaser’ that is dramatic and attention-grabbing but that is plucked from later in the story, then going back to days / hours / weeks before this event – is another very over-familiar trope. It is so for a reason – it can often work very effectively. BUT think long and hard before doing this – and make sure you’re not just doing it to compensate for a lack of drama in the real opening of your story.

Placing stories in a fictional, dystopian future sometimes takes the edge and urgency out of the story. If you want to tell a story about a compelling issue of today – set it in the recognisable present unless you have a really strong story-telling reason for not doing so. Near-future dystopias are another over-familiar story-telling trope; and feel too often like a way to dramatize the problems in the real world that detracts from the friction and immediacy you need.

Structure is about how stories escalate in intensity, about how every single scene advances the story – not enough of the scripts pay attention to these essential elements of story-telling. Story is about change. The story has to keep changing and moving forward – story is dynamic.

Something that is missing from too many scripts – believable warmth & affection between characters – we need this to enable us to empathise / engage with the characters and to help us understand what they have to lose.

The balance between directions and dialogue. Directions need to be written economically and dynamically. They need to convey visual action and movement. Don’t over-burden the reader with unnecessary information – just the information that really serves the story. Huge screeds of direction can be daunting for the reader. Don’t start directions with ‘We see…’ Directions should be active and economical. ‘We see’ is superfluous and weakens the dramatic force of the actions described.

Clarity of story-telling and writing is so important. OWN your story. Hold the reader’s hand through the story. Consider your audience / reader in the way you write / present your story.

Your story needs to be dramatic – ie it needs to have conflict, friction, be tense, intriguing, mysterious, intense, heightened… tackling big, emotive issues head-on

‘Interesting, even ‘fascinating’ are fine – but what we all really want from a story is ‘moving’ and ‘hilarious’. The response that counts is visceral not intellectual. There aren’t enough scripts that confront the emotion of life head-on, not enough scripts that risk sentimentality – and sentiment is part of life, part of story.

There is an emotional clarity and a simplicity to good writing.

What is the logline / one-line pitch of your project? It is vital that you keep thinking about and eventually – know – what this is – and that this single sentence is distinctive, compelling, dramatic and immediately engaging.

Story that shines a light on unfamiliar, unexpected worlds that are new to us stand out, ie aim to make your stories original and distinctive not generic or derivative

The most important decisions are made before you write anything down; and before you start writing the script. The subject matter – what this is about – is all-important.

I hope this is helpful. In a later newsletter I will look at the other side of the coin – the qualities that myself and the script readers found compelling in the short-listed scripts.

We should be getting in touch with those short-listed writers in the next week or so.

The next newsletter will be on Friday November 29^th,

All the best

Phil

PHILIP SHELLEY

www.script-consultant.co.uk

www.tributepodcasts.co.uk

@PhilipShelley1

November 15^th 2019

Hi There,

This week I’d like to share with you a very excellent thread that I came across on twitter by US screenwriter CHRISTOPHER MCQUARRIE (The Usual Suspects, Mission Impossible, The Tourist, etc). As I am working my way through the 1454 scripts we received for the 2020 Channel 4 screenwriting course (with the help of 7 script readers), knowing that however good the scripts are, we can only take on 12 writers, this advice seemed particularly relevant. It’s a brilliant piece of writing about how to empower yourself as a screenwriter.

‘I’m receiving a lot of questions from writers asking where to submit scripts or how to sell them. Others ask how to sign an agent, attach directors or producers, etc. You won’t like the answer, but here it is: You’re asking the wrong questions.

I spent seven years – AFTER winning an academy award – asking the same questions. My career stalled (and I still have scripts that no one will make despite subsequent commercial successes). In that time, I never stopped to realize that my own career didn’t start by blindly submitting scripts, nor did the careers of any of my writer friends. This is not to say it can’t happen, but the ODDS of just submitting your script and having it made are extremely slim.

It’s also empowering others to determine whether or not you’ll have a career. And while I would never discourage you from playing the lottery, I would strongly advise you not to make it your sole source of income.

“How do I sell my screenplay” is a question at the heart of the screenwriter’s mindset and is the essence of why writers are treated the way they are. We are trained to think that way. The system depends on our dependency.

The subtext of that question is “where do I go for permission to sign away my dream?” It also asks “what is the shortest route to my career?”

After twenty five years in the craft, I’ve learned the secret to making movies is making movies – starting with little movies no one will ever see. The secret to knowledge is doing and failing – often and painfully – and letting everyone see.

The secret to success is doing what you love, whether or not you’re being paid. The secret to a rewarding career in film (and many other fields) is focusing entirely on execution and not on result.

There are countless valid arguments against everything I have just said. They don’t change the fact that the lottery is a lottery.

One will say “I can’t direct.” There are only three answers: 1. Neither could I. Now I do. 2. Find a friend who can. 3. Keep playing the lottery.

One will say: “This is easy all for you to say. You have an established career.” There are only two replies: 1. This is how my career began. 2. Keep playing the lottery.

One will say: My script is too expensive to make on my own. There is only one reply: If this is your only idea, this may not be the right career for you. In any case, good luck playing the lottery.

Some will say: I can‘t find a friend who will direct and I don’t WANT to direct. I have news for all of you writers who like to say writing is where the process of filmmaking begins: Understanding the process of filmmaking is where real screenwriting begins. Why wait?

Some questions you should be asking: How do I gain experience making films? How do I become an invaluable part of the process? How do I learn to walk before I fly? And the answer is: make a film – alone or with friends – share your work – then do it again.

This guarantees NOTHING. But it’s what I know. And it’s better odds than the lottery. And there’s no waiting for permission. You are, in fact, living the dream. And if you think the dream relies on bigger budgets and a paycheck, brace yourself for profound unhappiness.

Of course, none of this stops you from still playing the lottery. Let’s say you do. And you win. Congratulations. What did winning teach you about your craft? How did you grow? How did it make you invaluable to the process? What foundation for a future did it provide?

What power did winning the lottery give you? Other than the power to play the lottery again?

Some will say: I’ve already made that movie. How do I take the next step? How do I find an agent? How do I get a studio to read my material? You won’t like the answer but here it is:

Do it again. Agents came to me when my friends and I had done all of the above. And they helped me more effectively when I helped them – by giving them something they could sell. And it’s infinitely harder to sell a screenplay than it is to sell one’s proven abilities.

Stop thinking about the business as something to “break into” and starting thinking of yourself as a business to be acquired. Your job is to create, improve and demonstrate your value. Ask yourself if the lottery is the best way to do this.

Your greatest cinematic heroes, whoever they are, all made their own luck. They were also never satisfied, they all suspected their peers had it better and were better, they never felt fulfilled or fully understood. At some point they all failed spectacularly.

And your heroes never, ever fully realized their dream. That is why they kept dreaming. That’s the best it’s ever going to be. And there is no place else to start except at the beginning.

I never set out to be a director. I certainly never set out to be an action director. I never expected to be where I am and EVERY critical choice I made to get here was counter-intuitive. I also still keep playing the lottery. And the lottery has still given me nothing.

This is my truth – learned the hard way. It may not be yours. I was asked and I have answered with what I know. Those of you with arguments and acrimony are wasting valuable time that could be spent on your future.

For those insisting solely on playing the lottery, I wish you all the luck in the world. For those of you ready to make their own luck, I wish you all the success you deserve.’

The second piece of advice I’d like to share with you this week is from another very successful and excellent US screenwriter, Charlie Kaufman, taken from his BAFTA speech –

‘They’re selling you something and the world is built on this now…We’re starving, all of us and we’re killing each other and hating each other…because it’s all become marketing and we want to win, we’re lead to believe winning will change all that. But there is no winning. So what’s to be done? Say who you are, really say it in your life and in your work, tell someone out there who is lost, who is not yet born, someone who won’t be born for 500 years. Your writing will be a record of your time, it can’t help but be. But more importantly if you’re honest about who you are you’ll help that person be less lonely in their world because that person will recognise him or herself in you and that will give them help and it’s done so for me…give that to the world rather than selling something to the world. Try not to be tricked into thinking that the way things are is the way the world must work and that in the end selling is what everyone must do.’

And there is much more that is of real value in his speech –

Sharing these two screenwriters’ advice is a response to reading so many scripts in the last few weeks – and focusing my mind on what makes particular writers and their work stand out.

I (and this year’s script readers) will write more about this in the next few weeks.

Finally I want to share with you another excellent piece of writing – Guardian journalist Eva Wiseman’s article about the healing powers of a solo visit to a weekday cinema matinee – which reinforces for me the power and value of story and screenwriting. (Eva herself is a very talented screenwriter who was on the 2016 Channel 4 screenwriting course).

The next newsletter will be on Friday November 15^th

All the best

Phil

PHILIP SHELLEY

www.script-consultant.co.uk

www.tributepodcasts.co.uk

Twitter: @PhilipShelley1

November 1^st 2019